Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

3 Things Your Ex Boyfriend is Looking For

2012-02-01T16:06:00.000-08:00

The fast track to fixing a breakup is to use a simple "has vs needs" approach. The concept is to identify what your boyfriend needs in a girl and compare that to what you provided him. This requires a great deal of honesty here, so you really need to open your mind.

To help you get started I'm going to list some common things men look for in a partner. See if they match any of the breakup excuses your ex gave you...

Looks
This is one subject that many avoid, but the fact is a lot of men do consider looks an important part of dating. Beauty is subjective and that's why you need to play off the things you know about your ex boyfriend. An easy way to get a feel for their preference is to think about their favorite celebrities. How do they wear their hair? What kind of style do they have? What roles do they play in movies?

Fun Factor
Are you fun to be around? This is another tough question to ask yourself. Here's the thing though, dating is about sharing and enjoying each others time. There should be lots of smiles, laughs and memorable moments. If you can't remember the last time you and your ex laughed out loud together then this is a problem. Of course not everyone is comedian, but it shouldn't be hard to make your partner smile.

Individualism
An often overlooked secret to successful relationships is a supportive partner. Giving your man the opportunity to explore his dreams is so important. Did you support him when he said he wanted to start a business? How about when he wanted to go out with the guys? We all need to express our individuality, and if that need goes unfulfilled then we will find another outlet.

These three things are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to your ex boyfriend's needs. Heck, these may not even represent his needs at all! But one thing is certain... somewhere along the line your ex wasn't getting what he wanted. Identify and fix those issues if you want another shot with him.

Getting Past the Jerk

2012-01-11T16:11:00.000-08:00

Some of you ladies have opted for the most difficult of journeys...trying to win back an ex who is a jerk. Now I know most of you say "he only acts that way around his friends." Okay fine, whatever floats your boat. I'm not here to criticize. In fact, today we are going to discuss how to get past this rudeness and touch his inner emotions.

Here are my favorite angles for defusing these situations...

Laugh Along
This is probably the least preferred but it really can lower his guard. If he wants to look cool around his friends then just let him. When the jokes start flying laugh right along with them. Want to take it to another level? Add to the fun by making fun of yourself. Over time this technique will eliminate the "challenge" of putting you down. Obviously this is not for the easily-offended but if you can't beat 'em then join 'em.

Conversation Bombs
No matter how long you dated your ex-boyfriend you likely have some dirt on them. The next time they play the jerk card consider throwing stones right back at them. How does this help you get back together? You might be surprised at the results. One of the big reasons people breakup is because one person is bored with the other. Showing a little spunk can be just the ticket for sparking an attraction.

Disappear
One of the oldest tricks in the book for getting an ex back is what they call "no contact." The theory here is your ex will never miss you if you are always around. If you don't like the way they are treating you then a vacation from your ex might be the best solution. If you go this route then you must commit to it. No phone calls, no emails, no contact. In a perfect situation your ex will reach out to you after they've had time to reflect on their bad behavior.

Good Luck - Elliot

How to Embrace Your Breakup

2011-11-08T11:00:00.000-08:00

No one needs to make a list on the ways a breakup sucks, but what if you looked in the opposite direction? As hard as this time can be it is still your life and you need to cherish every day of it.

I've made the argument before that nothing is impossible when it comes to winning back love. However, you do have to set yourself up for success. That begins with loving life and radiating a sense of confidence, both of which are impossible to do when you dwell on the negative.

It is funny how good relationships can look after getting dumped. We think about all the laughs and adventures we had with our ex. For some reason the negative times never make it into those memories and yet they were still there. Coming to grips with the fact that your relationships wasn't perfect is one step towards embracing your breakup.

There are plenty of other positive things you can do while waiting for your ex boyfriend to come back around. The best ideas include the goals and interests you have put on the back-burner the past few years. It will take time to get to know yourself again, but it won't take long to enjoy the experience.

There is always a brighter way to look at things, and doing so will significantly enhance how others look at you. Use the time after your breakup to expand your boundaries. Relationships can confine us as we get trapped into a routine. I have a favorite quote I use when feeling "trapped" by stress and frustration...

"Do one thing every day that scares you."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

Hope this helps :)

The Real Secret to Making Your Ex Boyfriend Want You

2011-10-06T19:08:00.000-07:00

With all of the advice I've given over the years it is funny how easy it can be to overlook the simplicity of human relationships. We always believe that our situation is unique or complex even though throughout the history of the earth millions have suffered through the same experience. There is a core reason why we are attracted to certain people, and the closer you can get to generating that feeling for your ex the better your odds will be to get back together.

So what am I talking about? Watch the video to find out!

Read more of Michael's valuable tips in the M3 Breakup Solution System

Can You Handle Your Ex Boyfriend's Affair?

2011-09-04T08:38:00.000-07:00

While this blog focuses on getting back with your ex boyfriend it is important to note that not all situations will be ideal. For some of you this means accepting the fact that your ex bf has been with someone else since you broke up. This might not affect your desire to win them back, but you really should think about how this changes your feeling towards him.

If you have been persistent in getting back with your ex then it is likely you have been going about the mission alone. Meanwhile he has been out with another girl, experiencing new things, and undoubtedly comparing you to her. Yes, you can argue that him coming back means his feelings for you were real...but what has this time away done to you?

Some relationships bounce back stronger after a breakup when both sides realize the grass is not always greener. However, the other possible outcome includes feelings of awkwardness and jealousy. How does it make you feel to know he needed a vacation from your relationship? Can you trust him to stick around this time?

In my opinion these are all important questions to consider before setting out to get your boyfriend back. If nothing else, you need to make him work harder to come back. The key here is playing hard to get as a flirting technique. Guys love a good challenge, and the longer you keep him at arm's length the more certain you can be that he is in it for the long term.

Tips to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If He Has a New Girlfriend

2011-08-09T11:50:00.000-07:00

Just because your ex boyfriend is dating someone new doesn't mean all hope is lost for getting back together. For starters, rebound relationships rarely last because they are based almost exclusively on looks or lust. Whatever the reason was for why your ex dumped you, their new girlfriend is likely just being used to satisfy their immediate needs. The chances of them building a strong interpersonal friendship with them are not very good.

As simple as it sounds, the best way to get your ex boyfriend back under these circumstances is to simply be yourself and enjoy life. You shouldn't waste time trying to size up your competition because they really have nothing to do with you and your ex. In fact, you can make a bigger statement about yourself by ignoring her or politely introducing yourself.

Keep in mind that your main objective here is to steal your ex back. To be successful you'll need to show your ex everything they are missing by not being with you. This is why you want be seen smiling and having fun with your best friends. Facebook is a good tool for showing off your social status activities. Post regular updates and pictures of yourself as if you are having the time of your life. The idea of course is to prove you don't need a boyfriend to have fun.

Don't shy away from interacting with your ex during this time. Remember that you wan them to notice you. Bump into them whenever possible and maintain a positive and slightly flirtatious tone of conversation. This can really mess with their mind because they expect you to be bitter and depressed after your breakup.

If you can build up your social popularity while keeping your ex's attention you will eventually generate some attraction from them. When this starts to happen you want to drag it out and keep them wanting more. Don't fall for the temptation of hooking up with your ex before they have committed to you. Your best asset is being the one thing they can't have. If you give-in too early then you will become nothing more than their hookup call.

Talk About Anything But Love

2011-07-18T08:01:00.000-07:00

Here's a little secret about communication...rarely do the words we speak get interpreted the way we intended. For example, you might tell a co-worker that you had a bad weekend. For you that means your boyfriend broke up with you, but for them it is probably a red flag to stay away from you for the day.

People are sensitive about their space and influences. No one wants to feel confined or pressured by outside forces...and this is exactly the kind of feeling you impose on your ex when you start talking about LOVE.

If you are lucky enough to get your ex back talking to you again then you must block out the temptation to profess your love for them. It probably feels natural to say "I love you" to someone you have been close to, but keep in mind the pressures in your relationship caused them to leave. Do you really want to waste your chance at getting back together by making things stressful right from the start?

Your ex probably does still have feelings of love left for you. They care about you, and wish you the best in life. However, it will take some time after the breakup before they will feel comfortable being in love again.

In the meantime, you should enjoy any time you have together. Keep things positive and have fun. Good relationships survive because the good times outweigh the bad times. This is your opportunity to create a happy and stress-free "vibe" that will attract him back over time.

Making It Easy to Make Up

2011-06-15T17:44:00.000-07:00

Emotions run so high after a break up that it is often difficult to make good decisions, especially when you finally get the chance to speak to your ex boyfriend. You want to pour your heart out and say all the right things to get another chance at fixing the relationship.

The problem is that most of the things you are want to say (I'm sorry, I love you, etc.) only make things harder on your ex. They don't feel the same way you do right now, and when you throw out words like "love" it puts them in a bad position. Most boyfriends are not out to destroy your life, they have simply come to a crossroads in their time with you. Apologies and proclamations of your love are words that call for a response...but in this case your ex has nothing positive to say back.

But what if you could take away the pressure and make it easy for your ex boyfriend to make up with you? Choosing the path of least resistance is not necessarily the easy choice when your gut if filled with swirling emotions. However, for the long term it gives you the best chance of getting back with your ex.

Think of it this way...if you had something difficult to tell someone how would you want them to respond? What would your perception of them be if they freaked out about the news? How would it be different if they handled the same news with grace and respect? As you probably see, the latter makes things much easier and leaves things in position for more discussion down the road.

The bottom line is you can give yourself a better chance at making up by simply making things easier on your ex boyfriend. Accept this break up for what it is and give your partner some space. At the very least you will earn their respect and trust...two valuable components that you'll need to solve your relationship problems.

Give Your Ex Boyfriend Some Space

2011-05-18T11:50:00.000-07:00

The most common advice you'll hear after getting dumped is to give your ex boyfriend some space after the breakup. This is also known as the "no contact rule" and the concept behind it is to allow heated emotions some time to cool down.

There are many things people say or do in the heat of an argument that they later regret. This is why it is important to let your boyfriend have some time to think about what just happened between you. Michael Griswold has some good insights about all this - watch the video below...

See what else Michael has to say in his M3 Breakup Solution Course

Yes, Your Ex BF Thinks About You

2011-04-04T18:56:00.000-07:00

When you are alone with the reality of being dumped it is easy to begin thinking if your ex is doing the same. Is he thinking about you? Does he wish things would go back to the way they were?

The answer to questions like these is "yes"...but your ex boyfriend is reflecting on your relationship in a different way. Instead of longing for the past, he is thinking about "what could have been". You see, when your BF dumped you it was because his attraction to you had disappeared. What was fun and exciting back in the day has since become boring and predictable.

Now when he thinks about you or compares you to another girl it is in terms of your positives AND negatives. Yes, there are several things he still loves about you, but somewhere the cons outweighed the pros. If you can find away to re-balance his perception of you then the attraction will grow back.

Believe it or not, the fastest way to do this is not necessarily by fixing the negatives. In most scenarios you can succeed by drawing attention to your positives as long as you have something new to offer. There needs to be a new challenge for him to accept...a new reason to love you even more this time. Think about your life as a whole and change your expectations. Stop settling for average when you know there is so much more you want to do!

Why Confidence and Composure Matters

2011-03-06T19:11:00.000-08:00

Eventually the time will come when you'll see your ex boyfriend in public for the first time. A lot of people freak out about this moment. What should you do? What should you say? Well, for as much anxiety and anticipation that goes into the event you might think I'd have a list of 20 things for you follow. That is not the case.

The absolute best thing you can do when you see him for the first time is be confident and friendly. Now your friends are probably going to tell you to ignore him or scream at the other girl he is with, but what do you think that will do to your chances of getting back together? That's right, it will ruin them.

Think about how mortified you would be if your ex came up to you at a party and started yelling in your face. Not only would you be frightened but you'd probably want to disappear to avoid all the embarrassment. And if you dumped your ex, how likely is it that you would give them another shot after they acted like psychopath? Hopefully the answer is zero.

There is no reason to run for cover if you see your ex boyfriend in public. In fact, you should take the opportunity to get some face time with them. Just don't go overboard. Simply walk up, say hello and ask them how things are going. Introduce yourself to their friends or date if it makes sense to do so. In other words, be yourself. Show them that you can be happy and confident on your own. Doing this is much more attractive than causing a scene.

Here's a a short video with more tips for when you see your ex.

Don't Wait for Your Ex

2011-02-05T17:15:00.000-08:00

If you find yourself waiting for your ex to do something...whether it be call, wave, or even look at you...then you are wasting time.

Patience is an important part of getting your ex boyfriend back, but too many people confuse patience with fear and procrastination. They are so intimidated to say or do the wrong thing that they choose to do nothing at all. This is a surefire way to lose your chance at winning back love.

For every day that goes by after your break up you should accomplish at least one task that improves your odds to get them back. Some days the focus may be on improving yourself or your situation. Other days you might go out of your way to make sure they notice you. The point is that repairing a broken relationship takes effort, and the task cannot be completed in one day.

One of the traps people fall into is continually search for a "better way" to win back their boyfriend. The Internet is filled with with millions of pages of relationship advice - some of it good but most of it is just regurgitated hearsay. It is easy to get sucked into hours of reading, but more times than not you'll end right back where you started.

Instead of being an information scavenger you should try being a hunter, who works to make her own destiny with the tools she already has. Remember that doing nothing is worse then trying and failing.

Your Old Relationship Died

2011-01-20T19:47:00.000-08:00

Albert Einstein once wrote that insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. This insightful definition is very relevant to getting your ex boyfriend back. Many people want things to "go back to the way they were" but this would only delay the occurrence of another breakup.

We are constantly changing as we grow through life. Things become more complex and our likes and dislikes change according to our current lifestyle. While it is often easy to say your boyfriend broke up with you because [insert reason here], very few of us accept the possibility that time has simply moved on.

But this in no way means you can't get your ex back. The point is to win them back you need to change with the situation. Being the same girl you always were may not be enough any more. Relationships thrive on challenges and spontaneity. When one side begins to feel bored they start to wonder if life would be better in a new setting.

So what does this all mean for you? It is simple really...think of ways to inject fun and adventure back into your relationship. Of course you will first have to prove to your ex that you have indeed changed. They need to witness in you a new attitude and passion for life. But it needs to be real because you won't be able to fake it forever.

Be honest with yourself...are you living life the way you want? Think about your goals and what drives you to succeed. Sometimes just pursuing a goal can increase your zest for life, and that will bring natural changes to make your ex notice you.

A Great Quote for Solving Breakups

2010-12-15T10:32:00.000-08:00

This short video by Michael Griswold discusses one of the best quotes to refer to when trying to get your boyfriend back. It exposes what we all need from any relationship in order to feel connected to our partner. I think it will change how many of you view your own situation...

Michael is a great guy who is really passionate about helping folks reunite with their lost love. You can read more about his M3 Breakup Solution by clicking here.

Finding Secrets to Get Your BF Back

2010-12-09T20:01:00.000-08:00

Within most of the articles on this blog I preach the importance of creating attraction to get your ex boyfriend back. Some of you though miss the easy part of this advice. You don't have to search the internet for ways to attract men in order to succeed. In most cases the creative ideas you seek are already in your mind.

You see, at some point in the past you have already proved successful in attracting your ex. This is how your relationship began. Of course only you know what that magical formula was back then, but it shouldn't be too hard to figure out. In many cases there was a physical attraction that got the ball rolling, and yet this was likely not the only contributor. At some point you had a conversation, went out on dates, etc. What was it about those moments that was so special?

Go ahead and make yourself a list of things you think your ex bf liked about you. It can be anything from the way you smelled to your favorite television shows. When you are finished, stare at that list until you can think of ways to lure him back into your life. And I'm not talking about falling in love. Start with baby steps...try to get him on the phone for starters!

Now the last thing you need to do with your list is be honest with yourself. Are there some things he liked that have changed in the recent past? If so, then you need to try and fix those. The power of attraction can be hard to control. Your goal should be to bring as many good things from the past back into your current life.

Last but not least, don't forget to keep him guessing. Attraction is always stronger for things we cannot have or don't understand. There has to be a mysterious new element involved to really grab your ex's attention. This isn't always easy to define, but no one knows your ex bf like you do!

Tips to Impress Your Ex Boyfriend

2010-10-31T20:24:00.000-07:00

If you are going to get your ex boyfriend back then you need to grab their attention. Creating a high level of attraction between you is the fastest way to win them back. But you won't have much success building attraction if he doesn't even know you are in the room, which is why you'll need to make a good impression at every possible opportunity. Here as some tips to help you impress your ex boyfriend...

Make a Change
The easiest way to get attention is to make a change in your appearance. Whether that be changing your hair, improving your figure, or going for a complete makeover. Just keep in mind that you want to IMPRESS your ex. Blue hair might get their attention but it certainly won't impress them. One way to think of ideas is to ask yourself what would get your ex's friends talking? If you can stir up his friends then you know it will put you back on his radar.

Don't Be Shy
The whole game of who should talk to who first after a breakup is petty at best. If you want to make a lasting impression then just walk up to him and say "hi". You don't need any crazy pick-up lines. A simple how-do-you-do is plenty for your first chat. And don't be afraid to flirt a little...guys like a little role reversal every now and then. The bottom line is you can impress him by just being yourself. In some cases the ex is just waiting for a sign that you still want things to work out. Imagine if you missed out on that because you were too scared to talk!

Live Your Life
The best thing you can do while waiting for your ex to come back is live a happy life. Don't wait around for him to call when your friends are out having fun. You need to be seen in the social world if you want him to think about you. People who stay depressed and shut-in after a break up never get what they want because no one wants to be around them. You have to prove yourself to be a catch if you want to get your ex boyfriend back.

So You Got Caught Stalking Your Ex Boyfriend...

2010-10-05T19:21:00.000-07:00

The most interesting thing about people who stalk their ex is that 99% of them know they shouldn't do it. If you asked them what their ex boyfriend would think about their actions, most would agree it would not make him happy. But even those who know better can find the temptation to spy on their ex hard to ignore. In many instances, the thrill of "playing detective" becomes addictive and causes them to cross the line of appropriate behavior. At some point they get caught and their already broken relationship is suddenly on life support.

So what can you do if you get caught stalking your ex boyfriend? Well, the first step is to simply be honest about your actions. The more you try to cover things up with lies and excuses the harder you are going to have to work to win your ex back. It is better to just admit your faults, apologize, and walk away from the whole mess for a while. Obviously your ex is going to be upset and it could be several weeks until they have calmed down enough to start talking with them again.

When it does come time to talk again, one of the best strategies is to inject some humor about yourself. Tell your ex how embarrassed you felt about your actions, and make fun of yourself for all the silly things you did. This should be easy since it really is embarrassing to get caught stalking! Make sure you tell them that the only reason you acted so stupid was because you still had strong feelings for them. Use the word "had" to suggest your feelings are different now. This will make them curious about how you feel now.

From there you will simply have to see how they react to your apology. If they laugh with you when you tell your side of the story then your odds are good for getting another chance. Play along and be patient with everything. Just be happy you are talking again for now, and slowly build up the levels of attraction over a few weeks. Your ex is going to need some time to trust you again after your erratic behavior.

How to Approach Your Ex Boyfriend

2010-09-02T21:13:00.000-07:00

One of the most awkward moments after a break up is the first time you see your ex boyfriend. Your mind is racing with questions like...what should I do?...what do I say? Being uncertain is totally normal, but at some point you will have to challenge your anxieties if you are going to win him back.

The best advice for your first encounter after breaking up is to keep things simple, short, and friendly. You don't need to recite an award-winning poem or discuss any of the reasons your relationship failed. Instead you just want to open the lines of communication for the future.

The one thing your ex boyfriend is going to feel is a lack of trust for you...no matter what the terms of your break up were. They are going to wonder how you will react to seeing them for the first time. This is why you want to keep things friendly and positive. If you start to bring up the past then they will feel uncomfortable, which might cause them to avoid you down the road.

As strange as it may seem, it can work well to just walk up to them and say "Hi". This almost always commands a response back, and it immediately breaks down the initial awkwardness of the situation. Follow up your greeting with small talk about work or school and then cut things off by saying "I've got to run. Talk to you soon!".

Now in some cases your boyfriend is still going to be bitter about your past actions (especially if you cheated on him). This is why I would try not to approach them for at least 10 days after the break up...and sometimes longer. Speaking to them is a big first step and you need it go well so don't jump in if the timing is bad.

As much as it is a big deal to speak to your ex for the first time, it really does not have to be difficult. The key is to keep your conversation short and friendly so they are not intimidated when they see you next time.

Did Your Ex Boyfriend Appreciate You?

2010-07-30T11:22:00.000-07:00

One of the things repeatedly discussed on this blog is the notion of becoming more of what your ex boyfriend wants. That could be as simple as changing your hair to something more complex like changing your demeanor. This advice is offered as a strategy for getting your ex back, but it is not always appropriate if you are happy with who you are.

We've all heard the saying that you can't love someone else unless you love yourself. This is probably true for most people which is why you have to be careful about changing yourself to match the needs of your ex. The fact is that not every woman is compatible with every man, and although it is tough to lose someone you love, sometimes things just don't work out. What you have to decide is if it you WANT to make changes in your life to better accommodate your ex's needs.

One thing you should ponder before making any lifestyle adjustments is whether or not your ex boyfriend appreciated you. Sure he may of had some pet peeves that he would have changed, but did he embrace the time you spent together? Were you able to make him laugh and smile when things were going bad? If you answered yes, then your relationship at least shows some signs of promise if you can smooth out the differences.

On the other hand, if you don't think he appreciated you then I might suggest moving on as opposed to making significant changes in your life. I mean, what if you succeed? What if you win him back with your new appeal and are then forced to live a fake identity just to keep him happy? You will likely heal your broken heart but it will be at the cost of your values and goals. There are simply too many fish in the sea to suffer this fate.

Get Another Chance with Your Ex Boyfriend

2010-06-09T19:06:00.000-07:00

When we look back on our lives most of us have some moments we'd like to have another chance at. This is especially true with romantic relationships. Whether it was someone you wish you would've asked out, or an ex boyfriend you'd like to have another chance with, we've all had experiences that we would do differently if given another chance.

But you might not need a time machine if you are trying to get another chance with your EX BF. There are ways to EARN your second chance by simply capturing their interest in you. Here are three great ways to get started...

1. Be Real - Lay It On The Line
So much time after a break up is wasted tiptoeing around your partner trying not to upset him further. But instead of of avoiding the obvious issues, you might be better off bringing them out into the open. If you screwed things up in the relationship then admit to it and make your ex share his feelings. You might even have to aggravate him to get him to open up, but you can't solve the problems until they are exposed. Sure he may get mad but at least he will be talking to you.

2. Change Your EX BF's Impression
This is so important, although it is not something that can be done quickly. For whatever reason your ex boyfriend has a different impression of you now compared to when your first met. It doesn't matter why, but it it is essential you change the way he sees you now. Look at yourself in the mirror and understand what he thinks when he sees you. The answer is different for everyone and only you know what needs to change.

3. Challenge Him
We all know the saying "We want what we can't have..." and this is totally true in love and break ups. This is the exact reason why begging for another chance after being dumped never works. Your ex needs mental motivation to reopen your relationship. So what can you do to motivate him? Make him an offer he simply can't refuse. But don't rest on the sales pitch alone, you have to follow through with your actions or you will lose him again.

Changing Roles to Get Your Ex BF Back

2010-03-26T18:34:00.000-07:00

In every relationship there are roles that each partner plays. When the relationship is going well our roles compliment our partner's to create a sense of harmony. However, when there is conflict our different roles can become irritating to the other person.

Some examples of roles you commonly see include the caretaker, the money manager, the talker, the listener, and even the cleaner. These are just the obvious examples, but every relationship is defined with some division of responsibilities and actions. Because romance is built upon what we "give and take" from our partner it is important to define your place in the relationship. But what about when things go wrong and your role no longer seems to fit?

Repetition is perhaps the biggest enemy to women are trying to get their ex boyfriend back. The belief that "what worked in the past will work in the future" is not always correct. Men and women change and adapt to their environment, and things your man may have found attractive before may not be as attractive now. This is one of the ways that romances fade. Trying to resurrect love by playing the same role is not likely to make a positive impact on your ex.

If you noticed that your ex boyfriend's love for you faded slowly over time, it could be a simple case of boredom that led to your breakup. The cure for this is of course change, but even more specifically...changing your role. If you were the passive type then try being more outspoken. If you were perhaps a bit "bossy" then try playing the role of listener. Be honest with yourself when thinking about what role you played when you were with your ex. How can you change your role to satisfy your ex's needs? Make the right move and you will be surprised at how quickly his attraction to you grows.

Your Ex Boyfriend Doesn't Want to Hurt You Again?

2010-02-28T18:57:00.000-08:00

What does it mean when your ex boyfriend says he "doesn't want to hurt you again"? This is without question one of the most confusing statements you will ever have to consider. Is it a warning that he can never fully commit to you? Is he saying he simply can't control himself?

While every situation is different, most guys say this when they still care about how their ex feels about them. They don’t want to be accused of riding off into the sunset with their new girl while leaving you behind depressed and confused. But does this make the situation any more right? Not by most people's standards. In fact many would consider it to be an excuse as opposed to a loving statement.

If you believe he "doesn’t want to hurt you again" then in essence you are admitting fault with yourself. Buying into the theory that your ex boyfriend has the power to hurt you shows an element of weakness on your part. You are in fact saying "yes he can hurt me...but he has cares enough about me to prevent it". You are focusing on the fact that he still cares, but overlooking that he has chosen to leave you because he knows temptation will always be an issue in your relationship.

There is only one way to get your ex boyfriend back in this situation. You must first change your focus from defense to offense. Instead of protecting the last sliver of love that remains between you, you must charge ahead and develop a deeper attraction. Right now your relationship is likely stuck in "friends mode"...but you need it to become much more passionate. His temptations will not be an issue if you can satisfy his whole body and mind.

A man like this who is both protective and unsatisfied needs direction. The fact that he still sees positive qualities in you is promising. However, deep inside this is a man who is looking to be controlled. He wants love to direct him, and if you cannot feed his needs enough to keep him focused on your relationship then he will indeed hurt you again and again.

When Will Your Ex Boyfriend Come Back?

2009-10-14T18:37:00.000-07:00

It is easy to let impatience get the better of you after being dumped. Your ego has taken a hit and you desperately need answers to all of the questions he left you with. Why did this happen? Was it your fault? Will he ever talk to you again?

This strong need for validation comes from all of the confusion a breakup creates. There is much stress in your life, and getting answers makes you feel more secure…even if they are not the ones you want. Unfortunately, pressuring your ex boyfriend with questions about your breakup will not help your cause. Many guys will run away if they feel trapped, so your best bet is to let the healing come naturally.

How long will it take for your ex to come around? Most of it depends on why they left and how long you were together. If he dumped you because you were cheating then you might have to wait for him to have his own fling before he feels comfortable enough to talk with you. Generally, the longer your relationship lasted the less time it takes to approach each other. If you have only dated a couple weeks, then it may very well be over for good.

There are things you can do to help him come back faster. Give him some space for starters so that he has time to think about everything. Always be positive when you are around him or his friends. You don't want to play the role of "Debbie Downer" because no one wants to hang out with a loser. Don't be afraid to show up at the same social functions. This is your best chance to make a move. Start by being friendly and gently remind him of how good things can be when you are together ;)

Perhaps the most important point to keep in mind is that your ex will come back when he is ready. Trying to pressure him into a decision will undoubtedly backfire. If you simply can't wait for him to make up his own mind then you should at least make him think it was his idea. This is not always easy but it can be done. First you need to get him to talk to you again and then you can turn up the romance. The key is to keep him wanting more, but never giving in until he makes his move.

Patience may not be easy to come by after a break up. However, if you can hold back your emotions and entice your ex to make a move, you will get him back faster than you ever thought possible.

Make a Lasting Impression on Your Ex Boyfriend

2009-07-18T12:21:00.000-07:00

We talk quite a bit about confidence in this blog and how it directly impacts your chances of reuniting with your ex boyfriend. While it does take time to develop a high level of self-confidence, there are plenty of things you can do to “fake it until you make it”.

They key is in how you present yourself. Body language is the first signal you send to people around you. Here is how to make sure you are sending the right message…

1. Be presentable at all times. You never know who you will bump into. Dress appropriately and always aim to look your best.

2. Maintain good personal hygiene. This may seem obvious, but it is easy to let yourself go when you are feeling down. Take a shower every day, wear proper make-up, change your undergarments regularly, maintain finger and toe nails, wash and dry your hair, and brush your teeth after every meal.

3. Learn and practice proper posture. Standing up straight improves your appearance and creates opportunities for eye contact. Practice by standing flat against a wall and then walk around the room. After a minute or two, stand back against the wall and check if you are still holding your posture.

4. Prevent sweat and body-odor. Sweating is the body’s natural defense to overheating. While you can’t eliminate sweating, you can control it by wearing light and airy clothing in warm weather, using deodorant and body sprays, as well as washing your hands and face as needed.

5. Staying healthy. Your body shines when it is feeling its best, but without your help it will never reach its potential. Exercise regularly, eat a well-balanced diet, and get enough sleeping time to improve your health and avoid unwanted diseases. 6. Always smile. A simple smiling face is often all it takes to make people like you better. Practice your smile in the mirror and focus on wearing it during your everyday activities.

7. Customize and accessorize. Wear appropriate clothing suitable for every occasion and be honest with yourself when looking in the mirror. You have to know what is too much and too little. Don’t draw negative attention to yourself for being too revealing or gaudy.

8. Hide the signs of fatigue and exhaustion. No one likes a “Debbie Downer”. No matter how much you are struggling inside, it is important to put on your best face. Keep your complaints to a minimum look for positives in your life to give you energy. Changing your mental mindset will help you deal with your problems.

9. You are a special person who people like. Reinforce your confidence by reminding yourself of all the good things you do. If you are feeling sad then make it a point to do something to help another person. The more you give to others the better you will feel about yourself.

Confidence is contagious, but you have to look the part. If you can sell the world on the “new happy you” then you will have them (and your ex) eating right out of your hands.

Getting Your Ex to Call You Back

2009-03-14T14:50:00.000-07:00

Tired of leaving voicemails and text messages for your ex boyfriend only to have them ignore you? Most likely the problem is that your messages do not giving him enough reason to reply.

Think of things from your ex's perspective for a second. He broke up you with because he wasn't satisfied with your relationship. If all you do is text him with messages like "I miss you" or "I'm sorry" then he already knows what you have to say. Since he was the one to leave you he almost certainly doesn't want to sit through a phone call with you crying and begging for forgiveness.

The secret to getting your ex boyfriend to call you is leaving a message that will make him respond. Tell him you have something important to talk to him about, or leave him hanging by saying "there is something you should know…(pause)…never mind, I can’t talk about it right now".

Do you see how much more intriguing these types of messages are? Capture his curiosity with your messages to make him WANT to call you. Sure you might have to stretch the truth a little, but if you can get him talking to you then you will give yourself a chance to win your ex boyfriend back.

How Your Body Language Can Win Him Back

2008-11-20T18:32:00.000-08:00

If you have read some of our other posts then you already know how important confidence is when trying to get back with your ex boyfriend. No one wants to spend time with an emotionally unstable person, and this is why you have to portray yourself in a positive way…even if you are hurting inside.

An essential aspect of appearing confident is looking the part. Your body language says a lot about the way you are feeling inside. Keeping your head down and slumping your shoulders makes you look like someone looking for sympathy. This is not the reaction you want from others, especially from your ex. You are trying to attract him to you by making him regret the he ever left. No one is going to regret leaving a person who isn’t strong enough to make it through the tough times.

What you should focus on (no matter how difficult it may be) is to appear confident. Wear your favorite outfits that show off your best features. Keep your head up and look in the eyes of everyone you come in contact with. Most importantly…smile. Positive body language is contagious, and the more you practice looking happy the better you will feel inside. Eventually these feelings will shine on the people you interact with (including your ex) and you will find yourself more comfortable in social situations.

It might be hard to believe, but it really doesn’t matter why your boyfriend left you. If you really want him back then it is as simple as being happy and having fun. When he sees how much fulfilling life can be with you he will start to question his decision to leave. This is when you turn up the charm and make him see that you are the only one he needs in his life.

Nothing is Impossible

2008-09-23T19:50:00.001-07:00

Negative thoughts can take control of your mind after a break up. It is hard to come to grips with the reality that your boyfriend left you, and this can take a toll on your confidence. It is easy to come up with a hundred reasons why your ex will never take you back…but have you ever considered thinking about the reasons he will?

There are two ways to respond to challenges in life. You can either motivate yourself to make a change, or you can just accept the bad news and move on. Sadly, most people choose the second option because they don't believe enough in themselves. They leave opportunities on the table while they spend their time focusing on the negatives. The most successful people in life know that overcoming a challenge is the best way to grow stronger as a person.

It is important to change your negative mindset after a break up. Find some positives in your situation and look for the reasons why he should take you back. You already know that you were once compatible as couple and there is nothing that says it can’t happen again. Once you are ready to accept your challenge you should start with these steps to getting your ex boyfriend back.

What Does He Think About You?

2008-08-15T13:23:00.000-07:00

Understanding what steps to take to get your ex boyfriend back depends on how things got to this point. For the relationship that just sort of fizzled out and turned into a friendship, you might only need to increase the romance. On the other hand, if things ended in a nasty fight then you will probably have to resolve your differences and work your way up from there.

It is funny how there are thousands of ways why a boyfriend decided to leave, but everyone wants to know a single way to get them back. The truth is that only you know the background of the situation, and this is some of the best information to work with. Figuring out why you were attracted to each other from the start is an excellent way to get good ideas for getting him back.

We all grow and change as time moves on, but there are certain laws of attraction that stay with us throughout out lives. If you can tap into your ex boyfriend’s desires then you will always be one step ahead of him.

Captivate Your Ex Boyfriend

2008-07-19T10:51:00.000-07:00

Emotions play the most important role in getting your ex boyfriend back. Too many times you see girls throwing themselves at their man or playing the “hopelessly depressed” role. Yes these are both examples of powerful emotions (passion and sadness) but they are not the ones you want to play with after a break up. You want to bring a more positive approach to the situation.

There is undoubtedly a good reason why he left you in the first place, and understanding what that reason is will help you know what was lacking from your relationship. More than likely it was a combination of things, but it is boredom that made him make the move. All relationships grow tired after a certain point, and unless you do something to spice them up they will eventually burn out. You can attract your man back by showing him there is plenty of excitement left.

Captivating your ex may seem like a tall task when you don’t know where to begin, but the easiest place to start is to think about what attracted you together in the beginning. Ask yourself what made you so irresistible back then? You were probably much more flirty and passionate in the early months. Find ways to work this into your current situation. Of course you just can’t grab him by the neck and take control; you need to set the sparks in motion first. Do this by looking your best and make him notice that you are enjoying life. Keep him at arms length but let him know you are watching. The time will come when you can approach your ex and work your magic.

Connecting with Your Ex Boyfriend

2008-05-24T19:24:00.001-07:00

The most effective way to fix a break up is to establish an emotional connection with the person who dumped you. While it is tempting to be depressed or beg for another chance during this stressful time, you should work on solving the problem instead of finding a quick fix. This doesn’t mean that you have to come up with a solution for your differences; it just means you have to find some common ground.

There was a distinct reason you and your ex boyfriend stated dating you way back when. It may have been somewhat due to physical attraction, but over time there were other reasons that your relationship grew. Identifying these emotional connectors is the key to getting back him. Anyone can apologize or stalk their ex, but only a few are creative enough to give their partner a reason to come back to them.

Look back at the best times in your relationship and ask yourself what you made you so happy together? Why did he feel compelled to call you or see you every day? There was something about the way you acted and communicated with him that he found attractive. Think about this and then compare it to how things have changed over the recent weeks. This may take some thought and personal reflection, but if you can replicate these behaviors then you will be well on your way to winning back is love.

What to Say to Get your Ex Boyfriend Back

2008-02-11T18:38:00.000-08:00

Many people who are desperate after a break up search the internet for a magic phrase they can say to their ex to win them back. They want to fix weeks or months worth of arguing by finding a quick solution that will return everything back to normal. The reality is it isn’t really about what can do as much as what you shouldn’t do.

There are so many powerful emotions that surround a broken relationship this makes it risky to jump right in and approach your ex boyfriend. Not only are they still trying to come to terms with what happened, but you are probably still recovering from the shock of being dumped. For this reason it is best to let the dust settle before taking any actions that might makes things worse.

Unfortunately for you, your ex will hold most of the leverage in the post-break-up time period. You will have to adapt to their feelings if you are going to be successful in winning their trust and love again. To avoid the common mistakes that can kill your chances, start by reading this quick list of 10 Ways to Blow It with Your Ex

Things to Ask Your Ex Boyfriend

2007-12-16T18:00:00.000-08:00

It is natural to get anxious and impatient if you are struggling to fix a break up with your ex boyfriend. After all, you know exactly what you want from the relationship. But if all of your efforts to win him back are going unnoticed, then it may be time to confront some of the tough questions.

Do you trust me?
This is a big question, especially if your relationship has been affected by cheating. Trust is the primary building block of a good relationship, and without it things will not get very far. If you get a negative response to this question then you need to think about why they think that way. From there you will need to come up with creative strategies to win the trust back. Unfortunately, this usually takes a fair amount of time.

Do you still find me attractive?
The answer you receive from this question can be devastating if it comes back negative. Thus you need to be mentally prepared for the possibilities. Physical attraction can turn even the lamest relationship into a romance and it makes things much easier to rebuild what you had. For that reason, hearing a "yes" to this question is great news for the future.

Do you still love me?
This question poses the biggest risk and reward, but it can give you a good idea where things stand. Obviously you want hear "yes", but you should also be satisfied with an "I'm not sure". Essentially, anything but the answer "no" means there is still a chance.

Remember that you should only bring these things up after you have given everything else your best shot. You could severely hurt your chances of getting your ex back if you are too aggressive. However, if you just can't seem to close the deal, then you may need to be more upfront with him.

The Importance of Persistence

2007-10-01T18:21:00.000-07:00

Some people struggle when their ex boyfriend won't take them back right away. They literally give up on their goal when they are turned down in the first attempt. But just as it took time to build your relationship, it can take just as much time to fix it.

The first thing you should realize in your quest to win back love is the fact that it rarely happens overnight. Everyone wants to find the quick fix for break ups, but the truth is that there is none. The main reason why is the element of trust. No matter why your break up occured, there is likely an element of trust that has been lost between you and your ex boyfriend. You have to slowly build this trust up over time before you can make your big move.

Doing little things each day to lessen the gap between you and your ex is always the best way to win back love. Focus first on establishing communication, then move to on to building trust, and finish by turning on the passion.

By being patient and persistent in your mission you will gradually make an impression on your ex. The key is to not be in his face all the time. You want to take a slow and subtle approach. Build on small accomplishments and stay consistent with your strategy. It is some ways like advertising...you rarely notice an ad the first time you see it, but once you are exposed to it hundreds of times it begins to become buried in your sub-conscious. This is the same effect you want on your ex boyfriend.

Should You Involve His Family?

2007-09-07T11:28:00.000-07:00

It may seem like a good idea to get your ex boyfriend’s family involved with your mission to get him back, but there are some things you should consider before going too far.

First you need to think about the perception your ex boyfriend will have of you. He may find your tactics to be invasive of his privacy. Even if you are good friends with his family it is still his family first. You need to respect the fact the he deals with them everyday, and anything you do to affect this relationship may send the wrong message.

The second thing to consider is what exactly do you expect to happen by involving his parents? In your mind you are thinking that they might talk him into giving you another chance. But what if things fall apart? What if they resent the fact that you are using them to get to him? You should think about all of the possible negatives before burning your bridges.

Finally, you need to look into the future. Is it worth it to get your ex back if he had to be convinced to do it? You want a relationship that is built on love and trust. If you can’t make him want you by being you, then maybe the relationship has reached its peak. A forced relationship will eventually fail again in the future.

Your ex boyfriend’s parents might be close to you, but you have to respect the boundaries of family structure. It can be okay to talk to them in some situations, but you should never use them for your own benefit. The easiest way to guard against this is by keeping everyone’s feelings in mind before you speak. If you think it will hurt someone (including yourself), then don’t go there.

Don't Talk About Your Weaknesses

2007-08-24T11:29:00.000-07:00

The most successful way to win your ex boyfriend back by building up the attraction level between you. This is done slowly over time as your ex begins to realize what he is missing. Because you are trying to show him why he made a mistake, it is important to hide your weaknesses, since they will not do much to entice him.

Too many people go after their ex with negative energy. They act depressed around them, or they call crying and beginning for another chance. This only makes you look weak from your ex's standpoint. It also tells him that he can basically have you anytime he wants. This sad, beaten-down approach only highlights your negative points, and does nothing to sell him on your positives.

By trying to get your ex back with positive reinforcement, you will help spin your relationship in a positive light. Focus on smiling and appearing happy no matter how you feel inside. Reflect on the many things that make you special, and find creative ways to highlight them so your ex will notice. Ignore anything negative that comes up in conversation. If he stays persistent on a negative topic, then talk about how it made you both stronger in the end.

By focusing on your strengths, you can help your ex boyfriend realize why he fell in love with you in the first place. Sometimes we get overwhelmed with the negatives and we need someone to show us the good points as well. This will be your job as you try to get your ex back. Remind your ex why your relationship was special by showing him that you are the right girl for his future.

Before You Contact Your Ex Boyfriend

2007-08-15T11:50:00.000-07:00

The period after a break up is a delicate time if you are trying to get your ex back. You need to be careful how you approach your ex and selective in what you say.

First off, don’t call them if you are upset and depressed. If your emotions are unstable then you are much more likely to say or do something you might regret. Take some time to get over the shock of the break up before you proceed.

Secondly, you need to come up with a plan of exactly what you are going to say. Trying to organize your thoughts on the fly is not a good idea. You need to start with the basic small talk, but you also need to work towards finding a resolution to your problems. This can be as simple as brining up the fact that you miss them and wish things would have worked out differently. You may not make much progress in your first conversation, but the ultimate goal is to rebuild the communication between you. Thus, don’t expect to have things change overnight. Settle for smaller goals at first, but always keep your eyes on the goal.

Finally, make sure you are upbeat and positive when talking with your ex. No matter how hard the situation is, always spin things in a positive light. Make your ex believe that your problems can be fixed. Portraying yourself as down or desperate will only add to the uncertainty surrounding your relationship.

The initial levels of contact after a break up are the most difficult, but they are also the most important. Map out a strategy and keep your cool. By going into the situation with a positive attitude you will increase the chances to get your ex back.

Leave Him Wanting More

2007-07-30T18:59:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have found some success in luring your ex boyfriend back, yet still cannot close the deal, you may not be playing your cards right.

Most people get excited when they start to see their ex show some interest in them. They become confident and forget about how much work it took to get back in his radar. They may even tell their friends that things are getting better. It is this comfort level that can set you back a couple of notches.

If you were able to get your ex talking to you again, or better yet, talking about you again, then you need to capitalize on every opportunity to "sell yourself". Keep bringing up the positive things and be content with your status. It will take a while to hit reach the point where you can dictate the next move. So how can you keep building up to full-blown romance? The best way is to leave him wanting more.

Don't present yourself as a sure thing. Once things start improving, work on changing the roles so that he thinks that it is him who needs to get you back. This can be done through flirting and subtle moves of playing hard to get. Keep him close, but don't let him "win" until he has committed to you. You have gotten past the hard part, which was getting him back in your life. Now you need to flip the script and make him meet you the rest of the way!

Did You Support Your Ex Boyfriend?

2007-07-22T08:15:00.000-07:00

One of the most common reasons that boyfriends leave a relationship is that they do not feel appreciated or trusted enough by their partner. This scenario can happen when you fail to do things like support his job, his dreams, or even listen to his onions.

Relationships only work when both sides bring value to the situation. If you constantly nagged your ex boyfriend about his job (even if he wasn’t happy with his career) then you did not help your standing with him. This is also common with dreams and aspirations. Did you support your boyfriends’ plans for the future? Too many girls shoot down their boyfriends dreams by saying it will never work, or it is too expensive. These types of messages are red flags to him that he will never live his dreams while he is with you.

A good girlfriend should support their man on an emotional level. You should be someone they can count on when things are tough. There should also be openness between you where he feels confident to share his future plans and aspirations. Even if his goals seem unlikely, you should encourage his growth and let him find his calling in life. Failing to do these things will only result in scaring him away.

Using Patience and Control to Get Him Back

2007-07-18T08:43:00.000-07:00

In most cases the key to winning your guy back is patience. Some women screw up their chances of getting back together with their guy by being too forward, clingy or by throwing a fit if he does not want to get immediately back together. He did not want to hear you complain, or see you sob your eyes out when he was dating you, why in the world would you think that this technique would work now?

Also, men find unavailable women desirable. Throwing yourself at him actually makes you less valuable in his eyes.

Why would he want to get back together with someone like that?

Instead, let him know that you would like to still be his friend. Do not bring up past issues or act bitter in any way. You must appear to be happy and enjoying your life. No needy pleas for him to come back.

He will be expecting you to either be angry or upset. Don't prove him right. Do the unexpected.
Be there as his friend and as a good listener when he and his new girlfriend inevitably argue. Lend a sympathetic ear. If she is just a rebound girlfriend he may begin to remember all the reasons why he dated you in the first place. Never speak badly of her to him, allow him to do that. You are just being really sweet and supportive.

Did You Smother Your Ex-Boyfriend?

2007-07-12T12:58:00.000-07:00

Finding out why your ex boyfriend left you is an easy way to figure out how to get him back. In some cases the guy simply wanted to have more freedom in the relationship. It wasn’t that he didn’t’ care for you, but he may have ended up feeling like a caged animal. These feelings of relationship claustrophobia may have led him push you away. Here are some signs of smothering that you may be guilty of.

Do you insist that you two spend every weekend together?
For your boyfriend to fully appreciate you, he needs some time to miss you. Remember, too much of a good thing is still too much.

Do you give him alone time?
Everyone needs time to kick back and chill. Your boyfriend will go crazy if you're in his life twenty-four-seven.

Do you insist that he brings you to every party or event he goes to?
Everyone needs time away from the person that they're dating. This includes time to relax with friends without the obligation of their significant other.

When your boyfriend wants to go to a party or sports event alone with his friends...and you say OK...do you show up halfway through or at the end?
This is the ultimate sign that you're smothering him. Not only will this drive him crazy and make you look psycho to his friends, but you'll also be breaking a bond of trust. Always keep your word when you agree to something.

Do you always come over uninvited or when you're asked not to?
Realize that your boyfriend might not appreciate your habit of "just showing up". In your mind, you're being thoughtful and sweet, but that's probably not how he sees it.

Do you call him several times a night?
News flash, ladies - most guys don't like talking on the phone to the same person more than once a day, and this includes you.

These are some simple signs of smothering, and if you are reading this, then you have likely experienced the unfortunate results of your action. Now that you know what you did wrong, it is time to make some changes and win him back! Visit Get My Ex Back for some great resources on winning back the love of ex boyfriend.

What Does He Want?

2007-07-06T19:00:00.000-07:00

Sometimes we can overlook the most obvious things when we are trying to get back with an ex. dating and relationships are a simple game of supply and demand. We all want something out a relationship and we will continue to date different people until we find it.

You can use this simple formula to help you get your ex boyfriend back. Think about what it is that he likes to do. it could be going to a concert or perhaps even camping. Whatever it is, use this inside knowledge to make yourself more desirable. Come up with ideas or activities that revolve around his favorite things. People are impressed when you remember the subtle things about them, so pick something you know he likes that no one else might know. You'll impress him by making him feel special, and proving that you care about his likes and dislikes.

Use Men's Desires to Get Them Back

2007-06-26T18:17:00.000-07:00

Men are not all the same, but there are plenty of things that they all seem to like. Knowing the desires of your ex boyfriend can help you win them back into your life.

Looks
You can't change the body that God gave you, but you can optimize what you have. Show your ex how hot you can be by looking your best. This doesn't mean you have to dress differently, but it does mean you should put in the maximum effort to catch his eye. Dress every day like it is your first date together. This will gurantee that he notices you.

Compliments
Now that you are looking your best it is time to make him feel good. Don't go overboard, but a couple of nice compliments will go a long way. Even simple comments like "I like that shirt" or "Nice haircut" may seem petty, but men are just as anal as women regarding their appearance. Compliments also work well because they break down the stress in communication.

Playing Hard to Get
It might seem odd to try this since you are the one pursuing him, but it plays into the theory of wanting what we can't have. Be flirty and cute when you around your ex, but know when to walk away at the right time. Leaving him begging for more will turn the tables on your situation.

Did you scare your boyfriend away?

2007-06-18T10:48:00.000-07:00

Everyone goes through some soul searching after dealing with a breakup. You wonder what went wrong and if there was something more you could have done to change the outcome. One thing to consider during this reflection time is to ask yourself if you actually scared your boyfriend away? This is not that uncommon and here are some common examples.

Commitment Pressure
No one likes to think that they put more into a relationship than they get out of it, but if you value your boyfriend, then you have to be careful. You can actually have the opposite effect by making demands for an engagement or more of his time. Guys can be like wild animals at times, and the more you cage them up the more they want to be free. Subtle hints at commitment are OK, but it should be a natural occurrence instead of a forced response.

Criticism
Similar to the commitment issue, guys like to feel empowered and confident. Thus, the more you bicker about their hair, clothes, or social activities the more they become turned off. The best approach is to compliment them when they do something you like, and keep your criticism to a minimum.

Too Much ____ (insert just about anything here)
There is such a concept of too much of a good thing, especially when it makes your boyfriend feel uncomfortable. This includes public displays of affection and time spent together. You want to be "wanted" - not "uninvited". Increase the value of your affection with a little bit of hard-to-get. You'll find that guys enjoy the hunt even more than the kill.

The bottom line is that you can scare away a good relationship even if you didn't mean to. Take a look at your yourself and your actions when analyzing your breakup. Were you too aggressive with the situations listed above? If so, it should be easy to recognize and correct. Make yourself more attractive to him by toning it down a notch. By doing this you will effectively turn the tables on the situation by making him want you back.

The Loser Lover

2007-06-12T09:50:00.000-07:00

If you're thinking "My boyfriend is a loser!" here are the top six signs that you are right.

The first sign that your boyfriend is a loser is if delivers he pizza or has some other 'loser' job when he is already in his mid-twenties or older. While there is nothing wrong with a part time or second pizza delivery job to get you through high school or college, or the rough times when your full time job doesn't weather your temporary financial crisis, someone who, instead of managing or owning the local pizza parlor is one of its drivers is a loser as a boyfriend.

Your boyfriend is a loser if he uses some minor physical injury, condition or deformity to get himself out of working for a living. This kind of lack of ambition points to a big time loser who will never contribute well to the household finances, and certainly won't help provide you a fun-filled and financially sound retirement. Lose this loser.

The third sign that your boyfriend might be a loser is if he threatens to hurt or kill himself if you break up with him. This goes way beyond the concept of "my boyfriend is a loser," to the concept that "My boyfriend is mentally and emotionally sick." And, by the way, you are not responsible for this loser boyfriend. If you're in a position to coax him into therapy do so. If not, say goodbye and stay away.

Your boyfriend is a loser if he'd rather collect unemployment and wait for that perfect job to come along then take a less-than-perfect but highly respectable position while looking around for the job he really wants. The exception here, of course, is if taking a less desirable job means taking one that is hateful, a big pay cut and leaves no time for the job hunting that you need to do to get back to where you really want to be in your career. The problem with accepting such a job is that you've now lost your unemployment benefits and you still don't have the job that you want.

You should be thinking, "My boyfriend is a loser" if, while unemployed, or in his off-work hours, he refused to help you with the housework. A boyfriend who thinks that you, the woman, should be doing all the work around the home is definitely a loser.

You also should be thinking "My boyfriend is a loser" if he always has some excuse that keeps him from meeting your family. Another even more obvious clue is if this loser of a boyfriend objects to your spending time with your family when you could be with him. Of course, we're talking in moderation here. Still speaking of family, your boyfriend is a loser if he refuses to spend time with or get to know your children. This is not a guy who is going to take any child raising responsibility, care about their safety or happiness, or help you plan for their future. Dump this loser boyfriend.

These, then, are the primary reasons why you should be telling yourself, "My boyfriend is a loser."

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Jane Haller runs a site called along with info on dating and relationship on her blog at at http://www.Hot-Firefighters.com/blog2

Can you stop a breakup?

2007-06-07T13:17:00.000-07:00

Relationships are delicate items that must be continually nurtured. When things start to go wrong with them it can spiral into a breakup. The best way to stop a breakup is to recognize your problems and discuss them with your partner. Don’t expect to wait for the problems to fix themselves. Attack the issues by offering solutions, and re-build your relationship by suggesting creative things to do with your leisure time. Doing all of these things will help you repair your relationship over time. Remember to be persistent and honest with your partner, and the rest will fall into place.

Be Strong and Confident

2007-06-05T19:19:00.000-07:00

Weakness in a man is not an attractive trait, yet when a woman breaks up with a man; to get her back some men choose to reveal just how weak he is.

When a man shows a woman this type of weakness it can only lead to 1 of 2 things.

She leaves you for good
She stays and proceeds to manipulate and control you

Assuming that most men on some level recognize how bad it is to choose to reveal your weakness to women; why do they do it? The main reason why is because to stay strong is to risk losing her completely.

Even though, in reality when you choose to be weak the only thing it does is increase the likelihood of you not getting what you want.

A man who stays strong during a breakup can gain;

Control in the relationship
A woman who is attracted to him
Increased inner strength

A man who is weak during a breakup can gain;

A woman who is in control of the relationship
A woman who is Not attracted to him
Increased Inner Turmoil

The real reason why some men choose weakness in their relationship is because in the short-term it is the easiest option to choose. Even though, in the long-term the potential pain that it will cause is greater than any short-term pain that staying strong may bring.

In the end, staying strong or being weak is all about what you are willing to risk in the short term for long-term pleasure.

Control Your Anger

2007-06-05T19:09:00.000-07:00

When the anger stage of your breakup hits you, it is better to isolate yourself by taking a walk or going into your bedroom. You can vent your agressions, but it is much better (and afer) to do them without anyone seeing.

Then decide what course of action to take. Make sure it is an action where you are able to handle your anger constructively. Punching someone out or telling a someone off is not handling your anger appropriately.

It also helps to find a good friend who will let you use him as a sounding board. Someone you can call day or night, who will listen to you about your problems and feelings. Promise to do the same for that person at some future time.

If you can't find a friend to "vent" to, buy a journal. Some people find writing out their feelings in a private place where no one else will see it helpful. Or write a letter to the object of your anger. Write everything you want to tell that person. After you are done, either rip it up or put it through a paper shredder.

Finding ways to release your anger in a controlled manner will help you get over your breakup. Soon the anger will go down and you get concentrate on what you want to do next.

Tough Questions Get Answers

2007-06-03T18:47:00.000-07:00

There is usually one side of a troubled relationship that will refuse to reach out. This person usually believes it is not their fault that the relationship is failing. If this sounds like your partner, then it is up to you to attack the issues by asking the tough questions. These might include things like "Do you still love me?", "Why aren't you talking to me?", or "Do you think we can fix this?". Obviously it is easier to avoid these stressful questions, but you need to learn the truth about your relationship before you can plan how to fix it.

Don't Be the Jealous Girlfriend

2007-05-31T13:11:00.000-07:00

An important aspect of any relationship is to feel both free and secure. No one likes to be smothered or controlled by anyone, especially their girlfriend. This is why it is important to manage your jealousy if you are trying to get your ex boyfriend back.

If your ex sees you lurking around every corner, or giving him stern looks every time he talks to another girl, then he will probably try to avoid you. Your jealousy will make every situation with him uncomfortable, and your chances of winning back his love will be slim. Instead, be strong and confident with yourself. If you know that he made a mistake by dumping you then show him by being the bigger woman. Eventually the tides of jealousy will turn and he will be the one trying to get back your love.

Recognize Games for What They Are

2007-05-28T19:09:00.002-07:00

So much of the breakup process is mental strategy. Relationships spit up for many different reasons, including using a breakup to leverage power.

You could be a victim of a power play by your ex boyfriend. They want to subdue you into thinking they are leaving, only to make you beg to get back with them. It definitely isn't fair, but recognizing the situation could play dividends.

The hardest part of dealing with this situation is staying strong. You have to fight fire with fire...no matter how much it might contradict what you are thinking. The simplest way to do this is to carry on with life. Go out with your friends, entertain yourself, and try to have fun. If you stay on course than YOU will leverage the power, and your boyfriend will be trying to win you back!

Be Attractive!

2007-05-23T10:31:00.000-07:00

It is easy to become down in the dumps after a breakup, and this usually leads to paying less attention to your appearance. Skipping workouts, binge eating, and frumpy outfits may suit your mood, but there not going to do much for your marketability.

Remember, you are trying to win back your boyfriend - not scare him away. This is the time to focus on improving your appearance and making yourself get noticed. Control the urge to eat junk foods and start working out more. You have the extra time, so you might as well benefit from it. If you can afford it, then invest in some new outfits. Nothing over the top, just something cute that accents your features.

Not only will the people around begin to take notice, but your ex boyfriend will start to realize what he left behind!

Control Your Anger

2007-05-21T18:47:00.000-07:00

The emotional roller coaster of a breakup can make it hard to stay in control. Your ex boyfriend can drive you crazy when things aren't going your way. But if you want to save your relationship, then it is best to keep your temper under control. Shouting matches and bossy behavior will only send him running in the opposite direction.

By being the calm voice in the storm you will not only lower the stress level of the situation, but you will also never "lose" a fight. Even if his actions are making you mad, you should try to come off as calm as possible. This will work in your favor down the road as you will catch him off-guard with your composure. This is one way to begin gaining an advantage over him after a breakup.

5 Quick Steps to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

2007-05-18T11:49:00.000-07:00

If your boyfriend has recently dumped you, then you might think your relationship is done for good. Many girls give up on their ex, and chose to live a life of regret and disappointment. For those who are willing to try, there are some strategies that can help you get your ex boyfriend back. Here are some simple strategies to get you started.

Keep Your Head Up
Even though it is tempting to give into the depression and hurt, you can’t let yourself be seen in a pitiful state. No one wants to hang out with a weak soul who falls apart at every curve in the road of life. Save the crying for behind closed doors. In public, do everything you can to portray yourself in a positive light. You are more likely to generate interest from your ex boyfriend by displaying how strong you can be, as opposed to appearing useless without him.

Give Him Some Space
This one can be hard to do, but minimizing all forms of contact with your ex boyfriend will actually help your cause. This strategy serves two purposes. First, it prevents you from saying anything dumb that will hurt your chances. Second, it gives both of you some to reflect on your relationship. Hopefully, your ex boyfriend will realize what an important part of his life you are. By allowing him to “miss you”, you will increase your chances of getting him back.

Don’t Get Bossy
One of the natural reactions to being rejected is to over-compensate by using “power trips”. This goes along with the eye-for-an-eye theory, or “since you hurt me, I will hurt you”. An example of power tripping is giving you ex boyfriend ultimatums or threats. Saying that he only has a certain time frame to do something, or that he needs to decide on your relationship by a certain date. By threatening or cornering your ex boyfriend you are more likely to scare him away for good, instead of attracting him back to you.

Be Yourself
Another common mistake that women make after being dumped is to try to reinvent themselves. They think being dumped means they were not good enough for someone, and so they try to change. They might start to party more, dress differently, or even try cosmetic surgery to create a new look. Unfortunately, these tactics only build a fake persona. Changing outside of the real you will only attract people to your fake identity. Focus on what makes you unique, and whether it is your ex boyfriend or someone new, they will love you for who you are.

Getting your ex boyfriend back will require both patience and persistence. Following the guidelines listed here will help, but ultimately you need to have a plan of action. Visit Get Back My Ex for more targeted strategies to help get your ex boyfriend back.